Clarity, It's A Soul Thing
One thing I keep praying for is clarity- Is this the right path for me? Is this what I'm designed to be doing? Am I doing it right? Am I doing it fast enough? Am I trying too hard? Am I rushing it?
So, today, I'm practicing letting go of every one of those questions and what I'm left with is this- right here, right now. In honor of noticing 'the now', I realize that I need to engage my senses- my vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. There is a lot here for me to take in. I find it interesting, that when I intentionally notice what I'm sensing, I also notice that I'm breathing more deeply, as if somehow I'm breathing it all in. So now, what was just a minute ago unnoticed, is not only noticed, but it is also a part of me- I've absorbed it, tasted it and breathed it into my body.
Now, back to my plan to let go of all the questions that I ask myself. Without constant questioning, I find myself sitting here with a renewed sense of awareness of what is right here, right now. I suppose I can call this clarity. I recognize that I'm feeling peaceful, probably because I'm not trying so hard to figure it out. I'm just in it, in the moment, noticing it, and genuinely experiencing it through my senses.
So then I find myself thinking, "So, what do I do with my thoughts? " I have questions, analysis, judgments, options, preferences, dreams, and goals running around in my head. Sure, I can just be present in the moment and enjoy it, but in reality I need to also engage my mind and satisfy my thoughts. I take a few more deep breaths and this is what comes to me. "I'm not going to find clarity in my mind. I need to go deeper, to my soul. It is my soul that will know when everything is precisely right. As far as my thoughts go, I get to choose where to put them- to judge, doubt or over analyze the "now" or accept and get curious about it- to engage my mind in positive ways."
The bottom line is this: My soul gives me clarity that I am on track and right here, right now is just as it should be. All I have to do is notice "the now"- the sunshine, the warmth and softness of my fluffy blanket, the smell of eucalyptus in my diffuser, and the sound of the clock ticking. It is all informing, teaching, and inspiring my soul, which in turns moves my life precisely as it should be moved.
The clarity I was seeking before is not what I expected. I guess I expected to have the earth move or something profound happen the moment I figured out that I was doing it "right". But, the actual clarity I found was more like a calm or a peace, an acceptance of what is.